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Sam was so excited he could almost taste it, getting ready to go to the party at Jack’s house. It meant he would see Emma. His heart jumped at the thought of her, or was it guilt? He was never quite sure.
He knew he was in love with Emma, he had been from the moment he had met her. Unfortunately since the moment he had met her she had been with Jack, his best friend, and this was where the guilt came in. Although he knew he couldn’t stop himself loving Emma he also knew that Jack would never forgive him if he found out. Therefore, thus far he had kept his own counsel.
He knew that soon he was going to have to do something about these feelings he had, he would surely go mad if he didn’t. Although as yet, he had not decided what to do.
The obvious option involved telling Emma, but he was reluctant to do this for two reasons. The first being she was obviously in love with Jack and he knew that the inevitable rejection would be crushing and, as long as he didn’t tell her there was always hope.
The second reason was somewhat more fantasy than fact, but if by some miracle Emma felt the same way it could mean both of them giving up all their friends to be together. He was not sure he was ready to do this and was absolutely certain Emma would be more than a little reluctant to walk away from everything she knew.
Anyway, at least tonight he would see her, talk to her, smell her perfume and generally spend as much time as close to her as possible. The prospect of this filled Sam with a sense of anticipation he could barely contain.
On the way to Jack’s he stopped at the off licence and bought a large bottle of wine, maybe this would give him the courage he would need to drop a few hints when talking to her and then he might be able to judge her potential reaction more accurately.
Arriving at the party Sam was met by a beaming Jack.
“You seem awfully pleased with yourself tonight Jack.” Sam observed as he fought his bottle of wine between the beers in the fridge.
“I am!” Jack grinned. “Bet you can’t guess why?”
“Go on, I can see you’re dying to tell me.” Sam had to chuckle, Jack was so excited by whatever his news was he could hardly manage to stand still.
“Emma.” Stated Jack with his usual lack of detail.
“What about Emma?” Pushed Sam.
“She finally let me!”
“Finally let you wha…?” The rest of the word lodged in Sam’s throat as he realised what Jack was talking about. It gave him an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew Jack was waiting for some kind of congratulations and it took an enormous effort to put his smile back in place before he turned back to Jack.
“That’s great!” He enthused as sincerely as he could manage. “Was it worth the wait?” He really did not want to know but felt he was expected to say something.
“Too right!!” Nodded Jack before adding. “Plenty more to come as well I should think, she loved it!”
Fortunately Tommy arrived at the door at that exact moment and Sam deftly extracted himself from the conversation and went in search of Emma, although now he had even less idea of what he was going to say to her.
“Hi Emma, how’s it going.” He managed with what he hoped was a sincere smile as he found her seated on a corner of the sofa in the living room. Luckily she was in conversation with Fiona so for now this was all he was required to say. This suited him fine as he really had to fight to gather his wildly disparate thoughts.
“Hi Sam, it’s not going too badly all things considered.” She replied a little enigmatically but smiling nonetheless. She had such a wonderful smile, full of laughter but always totally sincere.
Studying her face closely he thought she looked a little sad.
Maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part but he was sure she didn’t look like a girl who had just “loved it!”
Finding himself a vantage point where he felt he could watch her surreptitiously he settled down to his glass of wine, musing on the turn of events and what, if anything it meant to him. Would she be more or less interested in him now? Would this act have the effect of welding her more tightly to Jack now, or would the fact that he felt she had not “loved it!” make her more open to other offers.
He soon realised he could toss it around in his head all night and never come up with the answer. But still, the thoughts kept coming.
As he thought he kept stealing glances at her as she sat over the other side of the room talking with Fiona. As if she knew he was looking at her she glanced up and caught his eye, almost every time he looked at her. He looked away quickly, conscious of the question forming in her eyes.
She was becoming a little drunk. He could tell by the way her blue eyes danced as she talked. The rate at which she talked was also something of a give-away, she always spoke faster as she drank more. A quirky characteristic which made him love her all the more.
It was almost as if she could hide nothing from him, although he suspected she hid many things very, very well. At least so Jack had told him one night a few weeks earlier. Things, which he fervently hoped, were just figments of Jacks’ overactive imagination, if they were actually true, well it just didn’t bear thinking about.
He pushed these dark thoughts out of his mind and again stole a glance at Emma. She was sitting with Fiona having quite an animated chat about something. Sam decided to try to get a little closer to her so as to try to engage her in conversation, perhaps he could join in with whatever she and Fiona were talking about. But as he rose to cross the room towards her, Fiona also got up and almost ran from the room.
He heard the sound of Eddie’s voice at the front door and smiled quietly to himself. So Fiona was off on the Eddie thing again was she, well no doubt he would think it great fun.
With Jack and Tommy still in the kitchen, seemingly discussing the merits of Jacks earlier triumphs, this left just him and Emma in the room. Now he would have to talk to her, it would look very strange if he didn’t.
“So, where was Fiona going in such a hurry?” He asked innocently, pretending he didn’t really have a clue.
“Oh, you know, where there be Eddie there be Fiona nearby!!” Emma replied with a wink and a wry smile.
Sam laughed, another reason he loved her, her sense of humour was just like his own. She was not at all like Jack whose every other line was funny, but when the funny lines came they were usually good ones.
“You know he’s relating tonight’s events in glorious Technicolor to anyone who’ll listen. I suggest you stay out of the kitchen for a while!” The instant the words had left his mouth Sam could have kicked himself for uttering such an insensitive remark and was amazed to see that Emma was blushing. He had never seen her blush before, even though she spent most of her time in all male company and was often the subject of many of Jack’s jokes, she seemed to be able to take anything in her stride. But not this it seemed.
“Sorry, shouldn’t have said that. Didn’t mean to upset you.” Sam stammered apologetically.
“Oh, no, it’s OK, you haven’t upset me but why do you think I’m in here on my own? Not sure I wanted it to be a public event. Still, that’s Jack, can’t say I expected anything else. Although, I had thought he might have waited until I wasn’t here!” She added with a mock chuckle.
Sam thought he detected a note of weariness in her voice. He wondered, yet again, if that meant she would be open to other offers.
“Are you OK?” He asked almost before he had decided to ask it.
“Sure, I’m always OK!” She replied with an unconvincing smile. “So how are you?”
Conscious of the change of subject Sam decided to let sleeping dogs lie for the moment and launched into an update of his life since the last time he had seen her.
“So you see, the last week or so has been pretty heavy, with Dad deciding to retire and all, means I’m going to have to get a proper job!”
“Ever thought about running the business for him?”
“What on my own?”
“You’ve been more or less doing it for a couple of years now so what’s the difference, it’s not as if he’s going to emigrate to Outer Mongolia, he’ll still be there to ask if you ever get stuck!”
“I suppose so. Hadn’t really thought about it. Although, I think Dad wants rid altogether, I mean, he’s been in this business for a long time now, I think he’s just had enough.” Sam was surprised, as always, by the maturity of this sixteen-year-old. He wondered whether it was just natural maturity or whether events had forced her to be wise beyond her years. He hoped it was the former.
“Anyway, it will probably do me good to get a real job, after all, that is what I went to college for, I didn’t really do business studies to run my Dad’s shop.”
“What sort of thing are you thinking of doing then?” Emma asked looking genuinely interested.
“I think I’ll probably go for something in retail, at least to start with, after all that’s where all my experience lies so far. Maybe a shop manager or something like that. As you say I’ve been all but running Dad’s shop for long enough, shouldn’t be too hard to get something similar.”
“I can’t wait to be able to get a job.” She said almost defiantly.
“I though your Mum and Dad wanted you to go to university?” He said, quite shocked that she was obviously considering leaving school at sixteen, she was easily the cleverest person he knew and could go on to do anything she wanted to.
“They can want!” Was all he got in reply. He could tell by her face that there was no more to come. He decided not to push it for now, but made a mental note to return to this subject soon. He had an uneasy feeling about what was behind it. He was beginning to think that there was some truth in Jack’s alarming revelations. The thought made him feel positively sick. As he looked at her he knew he would never love anyone like he loved her, he also knew that it might remain his secret forever. But the thought of anyone hurting her almost made him shake with rage.
“What’s the matter?” Emma broke into his thoughts, she was smiling again.
“Nothing, why?”
“It’s just, for a moment there you looked quite angry, nothing I’ve said I hope.”
“Angry...no not at all...not me. I was just thinking that’s all. Anyway, I’m out of wine, I’m off to get another drink, do you want one?”
“No thanks, I’m OK for now.” She smiled, that smile again, it almost made him forget himself and wrap his arms around her. Hurriedly he left in search of the fridge.
In the relative sanctuary of the kitchen Sam composed himself. He knew he could not tell Emma tonight, the time was definitely not right.
Feeling such a potent mixture of emotions whenever he was near her always made his head spin so much it almost made him dizzy. He decided that the only thing for it was to make his head spin the other way, with alcohol, and to find himself some other girl to pretend was Emma.
Word of the party had obviously spread as the house had begun to fill with people. Armed with his large bottle of wine he set off into the gathering throng, many of whom he had never laid eyes on before, in search of an easy target with whom he could drown his sorrows.
Read Chapter 4 from Friday 2nd June
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